During open center time, a hush came over my students. Much to my surprise, I looked up from my busy work and began observing my students engaged with one another. I smiled, and caught a gaze from one little lady, who had her own smile from ear to ear.
She jumped up without any hesitation, and I could tell from the look on her face, there was something she HAD to tell me. She marched her little body across the classroom to where I was sitting and with the proudest voice I had ever heard, and she announced, “ I have TWO shiny nickles!”

-You have two shiny nickles? That’s pretty cool!

-*lifts up her shirt* SEE!!!!!! TWO! I HAVE TWO!

-Oh dear, well, those are not nickles. And, that part of your body is only for YOU to see!

-*grabs her chest* But.....I’m beautiful. I AM SO BEAUTIFUL!

-You are so beautiful, but, we keep our bodies safe, and to ourselves, can you please pull down your shirt? I promise you’re beautiful with your shirt pulled down too.

-BUT, I am TOO beautiful. I gotta show everyone my shiny nickles

​Bri Dykstra 2017

Despite how we may see our children, small, innocent, and hopefully resistant to the many dangers they may face in the world. Although, they may not be seeing these events or experiencing them first hand, it is still important to get them thinking, and talking about what is happening in our world. 

​Crime, School Violence, and Shootings
What to Ask:
"There's been some news this week about _________ (insert event). Is anyone at school talking about it? What are kids saying?"
If your children have not heard about this news, explain the event simply, telling them just what they need to know, why they are safe, and what is being done to stop the violence and solve the crime.
Keep in Mind:
These events should be discussed in age-appropriate ways. Young children are mostly worried about whether they will be safe and if the people they love will be all right. Older children will share these concerns but have more specific questions. For example, in the case of an event like Sandy Hook, you could reassure a younger child that his school is safe and that this happened many miles away. However an older child might need a more detailed description in order to be reassured. He might want to find out exactly what happened and understand why a student would commit such a violent act. He may also relate this event specifically to his own school and talk about other kids he knows and the security systems in place.

War, Violence, and Security
What to Ask:
"There's been a lot on the news lately about war and soldiers. What have you heard?"
If your child has not heard about this news yet, explain the event simply. For example, if explaining heightened airport security measures due to a foiled terrorist plot, you might start by asking a 6-year old, "Do you know where England is?" And then explain, "Thousands of miles away, some bad people tried to hurt others on airplanes. They were caught. Now when we go to the airport we can't bring water from home with us because these people were using water bottles in bad ways."
With an older child, you might need to explain more details and review everything being done to keep him safe. Be prepared for questions like "How would the terrorists use the chemicals in the water bottles? Could they really blow up a plane? What exactly were they putting in the water? How do we know we are safe here?" In response, point out specific ways authorities are keeping us safe at the airport and in our communities.
Keep in Mind:
Children relate events like these to themselves and what they already know. Many young children do not understand how far "far away" is. Because they see a war or violent event on TV, they may think it's happening here — even in their living room. Older children will know the event is not happening in their home but won't know how far away the event is taking place.

Weather and Environmental News
What to Ask:
"There was a big storm in ______________ this week. Have you seen it on the news? What have you heard about it?"
Explain the situation in age-appropriate ways, mentioning how many people may have been displaced, where an event took place, how many miles away it was, what is being done to help the victims, and why you are safe at home. You might also ask, "What would you like to do to help?" and make constructive suggestions.
Keep in Mind:
Children young and old want to know what is being done to protect them.
"Discussing environmental concerns with very young children can be tricky," notes Jane Katch, M.S.T. "I know one 5-year-old who couldn't look at an airplane in the sky without worrying that it was polluting the world. We want children to enjoy their world first, so they can then understand they need to work to keep it beautiful! When you have these conversations, focus on specific actions children can take: recycling and reusing materials, picking up trash, and turning off lights and computers."

Holidays
What to Ask:
Pick a holiday and start by asking what children know. You might say, "Do you know why we have a special day off for Martin Luther King, Jr.'s birthday?" Or, "What do you know about Veterans or Labor Day?" If your children groan and say, "We talked about it in school already," try telling a family story about the holiday. If you're talking about Veteran's Day, explain what a parent or grandparent did in the war — or describe a time when you went to a parade or march that commemorated the holiday.
Keep in Mind:
Holidays can be a good opportunity to talk with children about your family's values and traditions. Your questions about what they learned in school offer children an opportunity to show you what they already know. They are also a good starting point for discussions about war and peace, bravery and freedom. Books about specific holidays and figures in history can be good conversation starters as well, particularly those that describe their childhoods.

Car Accidents
What to Ask:
"Did you see that accident or hear the news about it?" Depending on the response, describe the event simply. You might also explain, "That's why you wear a seat belt to keep you safe," or "That's why I drive safely and don't speed," or (for a younger child) "That's why we hold hands when we cross the street."
Keep in Mind:
Children feel reassured when they know what to do to prevent these accidents and what to do in the case of emergencies. Reviewing simple safety rules help a child feel in control rather than frightened.

Death and Terminal Illness
What to Ask:
These are delicate conversations. When deaths are reported on the news, children may get upset. But they don't always verbalize their feelings. It may be useful to describe how you feel as you discuss the news event.
You might say, "What have you heard about people getting hurt?" and talk about your emotional response. "If a young child says ‘I hear that children got killed in Lebanon' you might say, ‘Yes that's true and that really upsets me. It makes me sad that grown-ups are fighting. And that's why I am glad you are here where children are safe.'" "Showing a human response is what's most important in these instances," advises Diane Levin, Ph.D.
Keep in Mind:
By age four, children begin to think about what death means. Even when responding to a death on the news, children can become very worried about their own death and the death of those they love. Provide opportunities to talk together, and listen carefully to see how much information the child wants to know."It's all right for you to show that you are upset as long as you can make it clear that you are taking care of your child's needs, too," adds Jane Katch, M.S.T.

Celebrities
What to Ask:
Like it or not, older kids enjoy talking about celebrities. These discussions can be positive opportunities for discussion about behavior and values.
Start by finding out what your child knows (which may be plenty). Depending on the story, you can ask your child what he thinks about a celebrity's behavior and why. To help your child think about an issue, you might say, "I'm upset so many stars have gotten involved in drugs and try to be so skinny. This is not healthy," and see how your child responds.
Keep in Mind:
Because celebrities are held up as role models, it can be valuable to talk about them. A child looking at the cover of a popular fan magazine on a newsstand will no doubt spot a story about celebrity diets or drug use. These present opportunities to discuss healthy approaches to eating, and the dangers of drugs. And when celebrities die, this is chance to help your children to talk about death and loss.

Elections
What to Ask:
Whether the election is local or national, you can start by asking "what do you know about it?" Based on the age of your child, you may want to discuss the candidates' positions and backgrounds with an appropriate amount of detail. You might also talk about the process of voting, what we accomplish by it and how it works.
Keep in Mind:
Children of all ages may benefit from going to the polls with you or helping you fill out absentee and electronic ballots.
Your discussion of the issues in an election can be geared to the age of your child. Younger children will begin to understand how elected officials make decisions about what's happening in your community and how political decisions affect the local environment (roads, parks, garbage pick-up, recycling, etc.). Older kids can understand more complex issues — you can discuss the policies of elected officials, what is happening as a result of these policies, and how a democracy works.

Support for PBS Parents provided by:PBS.org

dWhile exploring the playground, my students were discussing how to determine somebody’s gender...

Student #1- Looooooook! I found a BUNCH of girl ants!

Student #2- What the heck?! How do you know they’re girls?

Student #1- SHHHHHHHH! (points to a single ant carrying a crumb) THAT is a real life woman!

Student #2- BUT HOW DO YOU KNOW!

Student #1- Uh, cause, SHE is carrying all the food away! AND! She won’t even share! AND NOW, she won’t shut up!

Student #2- Yup. That’s definitely a girl!

Story By: Bri Dykstra 2017

In a class discussion about American Presidents, I asked my students what they believe the presidents job is...
Their answers did not disappoint.
​
-He probably just sings... A LOT!
- He watches our flag so it doesn’t go and get stolen.
-HE IS ALWAYS WATCHING!
-KARATE!
-Rides in a car, and says “Hello!” to all the babes.
-Just sits around. I wish I could just sit around.
-A.Bro.Ham.Link.On. LOGS! (Abraham Lincoln) He climbs...and sits on our flag. Cause, it’s ours. We are ‘Mericans. It’s all ours.
-Hmm.....(deep in thought) I heard he doesn’t do anything.

​Story By: Bri Dykstra 2017

​Night Terrors & Meditation:
Night Terrors in children are noticeably different than a normal nightmare.
A typical nightmare may include a wet bed, a short fit of panic, refusing bed time, endless asking for water bits, and more often than not, results in your bed being overly crowded. Fortunately, as we grow older, we come to accept that sometimes nightmares just happen, and we are able to cope with them, because we are able to distinguish reality from our dreams. Nightmares, are also easily avoided by dietary changes, and taking extra time before bed to decompress.
Night Terrors, are distinctively unique from the common night mare. Night Terrors, present themselves far more dramatically, and though it may seem cause to panic, or consider a serious health issue, it rarely is. Night Terrors happen when the body transitions from deep non-REM sleep to lighter REM sleep where dreams typically occur. This transition is normally smooth. However, when it occurs too quickly, the child will have a fearful reaction, resulting in a racing heart, screaming, frantic body movements, and distress. Because the brain has not fully made the transition to REM sleep, it is likely the child will have no recollection of the Night Terror, and will fall back to sleep with ease. If this is the case, and the child is easily soothed after the event, it is best not to fully wake the child.
Many children who suffer from Night Terrors rarely recall the events the following morning, as the brain is still asleep when the Night Terror occurs. Unlike, night mares, that occur later in the night or early morning, and happened only during REM sleep.
Night terrors are caused by over-arousal of the central nervous system during sleep. This may happen because the CNS (which regulates sleep and waking brain activity) is still maturing. Some kids may inherit a tendency for this over-arousal — about 80% who have night terrors have a family member who also experienced them or sleepwalking.
Unfortunately, there is not a cure for night terrors, but there are several causing factors that could be connected with them.
A child who is overtired or ill, stressed, or fatigued.
A child that is taking a new medication.
And/or a child who is sleeping in a new environment or away from home.
A natural remedy that could possibly help your child gain a better night’s sleep is guided meditation or for younger children Story Meditation.
Story Meditation, is an imaginative and self-explorative meditation, and can be done easily.
After your child has completed their bedtime routine, and they have been relaxing in bed for a few moments, you may try a guided or story meditation.
-Tell your child to take a deep breath, in and out. In and out. You may also try taking deep breaths with them.
- After several deep breaths tell your child to close or “turn off” their eyes.
-Begin the story by explaining in detail a relaxing space while reminding your child to also take deep breaths and turning off body parts in soothing soft tones.  You might also take this opportunity to expand your child’s vocabulary by using descriptive adjectives.
You are lying in warm summer grass, watching enormous, white feathery clouds dance across the blue summer sky. Take a deep breath in, turn off your toes, and breathe out. You can feel the warm grass tickling your body, you hear birds chirping. Take a deep breath in, turn off your legs, and breathe out. Your body is warm, and you feel happy, you feel safe, you feel loved. Take a deep breath in, and out. A cool breeze starts to sway the grass, back, and forth. Take a deep breath in, and turn off your tummy. Thunderous gray clouds begin to roll in, and sweep out the white feathery clouds. Take a deep breath in and out. You feel tiny rain drops trickle over your body, washing away the day, and giving the grass nutrients. The wind is blowing, the rain is falling, and you feel safe, you feel happy, you feel loved. The thunderous clouds begin to part, and the sun shines through, and warms your body. Take a deep breath in, turn off your arms, and breathe out. You have everything that you need. Your tummy is full, your body is strong, you have people who love you. The sun begins to shine, and dries the grass, and you can feel the earth beneath your body. Take a deep breath in, turn off your fingers, breath out. You have everything that you need. You are safe. You are loved. You are happy. Take a deep breathe in, turn off your head, breathe out. Your body needs rest. Take a deep breath in and out. Your body is ready for sleep.
-If your child is still awake, you can try massage, calming essential oils, or soft music.
 
Night terrors are most common in children, and they are often outgrown.  Often times, we don’t recognize that children are able to feel stress, worry, anxiety, and can understand our emotions based on how we interact with them. Be mindful of yourself, and take the time to create a stress free night time routine to help your child have the best rest possible. 

One afternoon, while I was sitting in my classroom, my students were adamant about discussing who their best friends were....

Me: It’s okay to have more than one best friend!

Student: No it’s not! You can only have ONE! I only have one! And, it’s NOT him! (Points and glares at another student across the table.)

Me: That’s not kind! Even if he isn’t your best friend, we still need to be nice. We don’t want to hurt our friends feelings, do we?

Student: I guess not.......You want to know who IS my best friend?
Me: Sure, I do!
​
Student: (gently lifts pizza off his plate & whispers under his breath) Pizza. Pizza. Pizza. PIIIIZZZZAAAAA

        If you're the typical stretched parent, running from one end of the valley to the other… Juggling school, Tae Kwon Do practice, dance class, doctors’ appointments, errands, birthday parties, cooking dinner, cleaning the house, and remembering to breath and bathe in between, you probably aren't paying much attention to the vocabulary you're using.
Your three year old just dumped an entire bag of goldfish all over the back seat, and now thinks they’re the star of comedy hour, squishing the doomed fishies into the deepest crevice of the seats, and smearing the remains all over the window, all while simultaneously kicking off their shoes, and shouting Frozen at the top of their lungs, while your school ager keeps their dirty finger just far enough away to make, I’m not touching you, A valid statement.

​In this moment, you’re rendered defenseless.

What’s a parent to do?

I’ll pull this car over!

Will you though?

Not only do you now sound like your mother, which you swore you never would, but are you really going to pull over, in rush hour traffic, and let the Hot n’ Ready pizza get cold?

Of course not!  So, why make an empty threat? It only furthers the situation, and you’ve just stripped your own power, and now suddenly, you’re the star of comedy hour.

Bare with me for a moment, as we take an awkward turn…
Don’t think about your underwear….
Don’t think about what color they are…
Don’t think about what style they are…
Don’t think about if they’re dirty or clean…because hopefully their clean...

I said don’t…but, I’m sure all you were thinking about was what color and how perfectly clean your underwear is right? Because, you totally had time for laundry this week!

When a child is engaged in a particular activity or behavior, whether it is positive or negative, all of their focus and energy is being held on whatever it is they are doing.
So, as the goldfish are being crunched into a million unvacuumable pieces, and you’re shouting, DON’T DO THAT! The child cannot pick out a specific request. And will continue with their Goldfish tyranny.

DON’T SMASH THE GOLDFISH! is only slightly better, as now the child can now distinguish what it is that you’re talking about.
 GOLDFISH! HEY! I HAVE THOSE! LOOK! I’M SQUISHING THEM!

We’ve now established that mom or dad is angry, but why? The child is clearly having the time of their life causing Goldfish casualties. Let’s take it a step further.

“We keep our shoes on our feet.”
“Goldfish go in our mouth.”
“When we are in the car, we use inside voices.”

Using phrases that give a particular command (cause let’s face it, you aren’t asking at this point) and cutting out words like “don’t” and “stop”, allow the child to hear clearly what it is you want them to do, instead of what you don’t want them to do.
 
STOP RUNNING!          Use walking feet.
DON’T SCREAM!          Use an inside voice.
STOP HITTING!           Use soft hands.
DON’T BITE!               Teeth are for eating and smiling.

As your child grows, and is able to understand vocabulary more, you will be able to ask open ended questions, that will allow your child to redirect themselves.

STOP RUNNING!         What kind of feet do we use inside?
DON’T SCREAM!         Are we inside or outside? What kind of voice do we use inside?
STOP HITTING!        How do you feel when someone hits you? How do you think that made them feel when you hit them? What can we do instead?
DON’T BITE!             What are our teeth used for? How would you feel if someone bit you?
 
It may take a few times, remembering to use different vocabulary, especially when your blood is pumping, and you realize your once awesome ride, now smells like grilled cheese and soccer cleats. But, I guarantee, you will suffer much less Goldfish catastrophes.